September 17, 2008

  • more

    my aunt definitely has leukemia.  so now we wait to find out what the genetics will say, as far as prognosis and what forms of treatment are available.  most treatments are forms of chemotherapy, although there is at least one monoclonal antibody, and bone marrow transplant, if we are lucky.  strange, to be talking about luck in the context of cancer.

    i am not ready for my aunt to die, in a selfish way.  i will support her in whatever decision she makes, but i remember that my mom never got the option of the transplant, so i hope that my aunt does reach that point.  i also wish that life was easier for her financially, but we play with the cards that we are dealt . . .

    tomorrow i also find out what the custody evaluator says about physical and legal custody of my daughter.  so stay tuned, or not . . .

September 13, 2008

  • friday

    not so good today . . . my aunt called and told me that her cbc (complete blood count) was abnormal, with at least two out of three cell lines not normal . . . this news should be taken in the context of my mom passing away six years ago from leukemia, and my aunt's cbc doesn't smell good . . . but i don't know what is high, and what is low . . . if all three lines are low, it still could be leukemia, or aplastic anemia . . . trying not to think about it, but she gets a bone marrow biopsy on sunday, which should give a diagnosis, especially after flow cytometry, if things are headed in that direction.

    also, my daughter's special ed teacher, who is great, announced in a letter today that she is going out on medical leave (maternity), and hasn't found a replacement.  hopefully, this won't affect the custody hearing in a couple of weeks.

    so things are a bit tense right now, but trying to work them out.

September 6, 2008

  • stuff

    another really long time between posts . . . much going on . . . i moved across the island, now in honolulu, closer to work, but no more riding across the pali to work, much hotter, ducks and football practice across the stream (no practice for me, there is a high school where football is in season, and ducks swim in the stream between the house and the high school) . . . high school students party on saturday nights on the field, so the dogs are loud.

    plenty busy at work, trying to get out the first issue of the hawaii journal of public health, and get our disparities conference and plan off the ground.  the governor has decided that she will micromanage even more than usual, which is rendering our efforts to improve health much more difficult.  more later.

July 31, 2008

  • poems

    Main
    Character

     

    I
    went to see

    How
    the West Was Won

    at
    the Sunshine Theater.

    Five
    years old,

    deep
    in a plush seat,

    light
    turned off,

    bright
    screen lit up

    with
    MGM roaring lion --

             
    in front of me

             
    a drunk Indian rose

             
    cursed

             
    the western violins

             
    and hurled his uncapped bagged bottle

             
    of wine

             
    at the rocket roaring to the moon.

    His
    dark angry body

    convulsed
    with his obscene gestures

    at
    the screen,

    and
    then ushers escorted him

    up
    the aisle,

    and
    as he staggered past me,

    I
    heard his grieving sobs.

             
    Red wine streaked

             
    blue sky and take-off smoke,

             
    sizzled cowboys’ campfires,

             
    dripped down barbwire,

             
    slogged the brave, daring scouts

             
    who galloped off to mesa buttes

             
    to speak peace with Apaches,

             
    and made the prairie

             
    lush with wine streams.

    When
    the movie

    was
    over,

    I
    squinted at the bright

    sunny
    street outside,

    looking
    for the main character.

     

                      
    -- Jimmy Santiago Baca

    Looking
    for Wainiha

     

    One
    mountain vanishes, and then another,

    as
    rainclouds roll in from the ocean,

    and
    down the range at Hanalei a third peak

    loses
    its place in the new slant of squalls.

    How
    can I tell you where to find Wainiha?

     

    Even
    the falls darting down the cliffs

    will
    disappear from their vertical tracks

    to
    emerge singing among reeds and moss stone drums.

    I can
    only say that water has its rituals, dark

    and
    inexplicable as the chant of creation.

     

    When
    you arrive at the twin bridges of Lumaha`i,

    stop
    for awhile. The double stream will hold you

    and
    tell you a legend of gods seeding the flood,

    male
    for the narrow waters,

    female
    for the broad waters.

     

    Look
    past the gingers and plumerias by the swamp --

    flowers
    are for some other time.

    Today
    is the day for acknowledging rain.

    See
    how it floats the mountains and softens stone,

    how
    gently it takes you into the valley of Wainiha.

     

                                         
    -- Reuben Tam

July 24, 2008

  • so long . . .

    nope, not saying good bye, just that it must be months since i've written anything.  i know that i need to write, though, it's oozing out of my pores.  things are really busy right now, both at work (mostly self-created), and getting ready to move to town (i live on the windward side of the island right now).  more later . . .

June 25, 2008

  • another poem

    Me
    one day with babies,

    Kids
    I hope will love Kaua'i
    As we were raised to
    Telling them Waipouli once
    had
    Clear dark fresh waters
    Flowing clean to the sea
    And places you
    could see
    The mountains
    And the ocean
    Even both at the same time.
    I
    hope they can
    touch ground that might
    still hold a fish hook.
    We will
    oli
    And remember Hi'iaka.

    Kaua'i,
    Hemolele i ka Malie

     

       
                -- Mehana Blaich
    Vaughan

  • this week

    more stuff. i ride one of my bicycles (road bike, very much overkill, but the mountain bike is too heavy and the triathlon bike isn't so good on hills) over the pali highway at least once a week, or so i try.  i've been in a new position, director of the office of health equity, for about two months now.  there's plenty of work, since we are trying to reduce health disparities and improve cultural competency in both our department (health) and the state . . . not too much creative writing, unfortunately, and not much music.  i just got back from the pacific regional indigenous doctors' conference two weeks ago, and then was back for a day, tried mediation over some issues with my daughter and her mom (my ex-wife) that wasn't very successful, and then last week was washington, dc for training for presidents-elect of the affiliates of the american public health association (i'm the president elect for the hawaiii chapter).

    here's a couple pictures of/from the pali

    Night

     

    The cold remote
    islands

    And the blue
    estuaries

    Where what breathes,
    breathes

    The restless wind of the
    inlets,

    And what drinks,
    drinks

    The incoming
    tide;

     

    Where shell and
    weed

    Wait upon the salt wash of the
    sea,

    And the clear nights of
    stars

    Swing their lights
    westward

    To set behind the
    land;

     

    Where the pulse clinging to the
    rocks

    Renews itself
    forever;

    Where, again on cloudless
    nights,

    The water
    reflects

    The firmament’s partial
    setting;

     

    -- O
    remember

    In your narrowing dark
    hours

    That more things
    move

    Than blood in the
    heart.

     

                      
    -- Louise Bogan

        

May 4, 2008

  • wha happen?

    much going on, much laziness to blog (it's much easier just to post those little stumble reviews).  same job, new title, more responsibilities, more friction in life, trying to ride more . . . hopefully, i'll write more later.

April 9, 2008

  • nothing original

    sorry, not very creative these days, but hopefully i will be working on some new stuff . . .

     

     Peripheral People --
    Hawaii's Homeless
    by Travis Quezon, Honolulu
    Weekly

    We check
    in with Honolulu’s homeless, and find that life on the streets is the same as
    it’s always been: desperate, lonely and dangerous

    You may have seen
    him sitting there among the nighttime bustle of tourists and prostitutes smiling
    to the orchestrated melody of Waikiki traffic. He’s Alvin, an 84-year-old Native
    Hawaiian man who sits near a bus stop in Waikiki at night because he doesn’t
    have a house to go home to. He sleeps there sitting upright—if he doesn’t, the
    police will ask him to move. (Alvin, as well as the other homeless individuals
    quoted in this story, asked to be referenced by their first names only.)

    One night, two
    drunken club goers urinated on Alvin while he was asleep. And two months ago, he
    had his briefcase and cane stolen from him. The briefcase was where he kept all
    of his medical documents and identification. Alvin walks with a cane because he
    has crippling arthritis and is living with disabilities after suffering from a
    stroke 30 years ago.

    “Sometimes things happen, sometimes not,” Alvin says
    of nights in Waikiki. “I know I don’t want to live on the street. Living on the
    street, anything can happen.” He says he chooses to sleep in busy Waikiki
    because it is safer to be in public view rather than tucked away somewhere where
    there’s less action.

    Alvin is one of Waikiki’s original beach boys, and
    still manages to swim from Waikiki beach to Ala Moana Beach Park three days a
    week. He uses his bus pass to get to his check ups at the clinic and to do his
    laundry—all his clothes and belongings fit into a single rolling suitcase.

    For two years he’s
    spent his nights on a corner near Kalakaua Avenue with pimps, prostitutes, bar
    hoppers and tourists. He’s often approached to talk story by a number of
    different people who make it a point to stop by on their way home from work.

    “It’s good to have
    friends,” Alvin says. He recalls meeting people from as far as Canada and New
    Zealand.

    He’s
    been helping to support a homeless mother and child that he met while living on
    the street with food and money from the limited resources that he has—$350 a
    month in Social Security that he saves for making a future housing deposit and
    for rent.

    Last
    month, Alvin was assisted by a man named Brother Christopher, a Franciscan monk,
    part of the Third Order of Assisi, who takes time from his life of solitude to
    help homeless people find their way through the red tape of Hawai‘i’s homeless
    assistance programs one person at a time.

    Brother Christopher accompanied Alvin on a meeting
    to set up his transitional housing through Homeless Solutions, Inc., making sure
    he got his paperwork, medical check up, psychological verification, assets
    verification and Social Security letter from 2007. Alvin has since successfully
    moved into transitional housing in Kapolei.

    Brother Christopher says that communication between
    homeless people and their service providers is a real problem—that outreach
    workers, housing specialists, shelter professionals and nurses in the process of
    speaking with their clients can easily mishear or misinterpret information given
    by the person seeking assistance. He says that listening carefully and observing
    closely is key to helping a person in need in order to avoid unnecessary
    setbacks.

    For
    homeless people who often have no easy access to phones or e-mail, obtaining
    correct and accurate information is critical. Brother Christopher acts as an
    advocate for the people he helps and maintains steady ongoing contact to provide
    spiritual, emotional and practical individual support.

    Living aloha

    For people making
    the daily commute to work in downtown Honolulu, the reality of Hawai‘i’s
    homeless problem is often a ghostly blur on the skirts of our peripheral
    vision—a glance away from reminding ourselves just how lucky we are to have a
    bed to sleep on, a stove to cook our meals and a refrigerator to store our
    leftovers.

    For
    Hawai‘i’s homeless, the streets, parks and beaches have become home—a reality
    for many that was also once a passing glance away. What’s hidden from Hawai‘i’s
    housed is as close as an extended gesture, a simple choice to acknowledge or a
    reality that’s one unfortunate circumstance away from becoming our own.

    The state
    Legislature estimates that there are more than 6,000 homeless people on any
    given day—more than 800 of them are children—and that 37 percent are of Hawaiian
    or part-Hawaiian ancestry.

    Curtis Kropar lives in apartment across from where
    Alvin sat and chased away the drunks who were urinating on him that night.

    “It irritates the
    shit out of me that there are so many people who are so prejudice,” Kropar says.
    He says that far too often people don’t think of houseless people as human
    beings and believe in the stereotypes of the old drunk or the crazy old lady on
    the corner.

    One
    visit to the close-knit community at the Next Step emergency shelter and you’ll
    find that homelessness does not discriminate. The shelter has a capacity for 256
    people. On a night that was not at the shelter’s peak, there were 98 children
    checked in; 35 of them still wearing diapers. Kropar volunteers his computer
    services at Next Step and other shelters around the island.

    “When you say the
    word ‘homeless,’ all these things come to people’s minds,” Kropar says. He
    points to a little girl sweeping around her family’s sleeping area and a woman
    carrying a baby. “Which one of those homeless people do you think should go out
    and get a job or go into rehab?”

    Solving the housing problem isn’t as simple as
    getting a job. A common misconception people have is that they expect the
    homeless to go from sleeping in an emergency shelter to living in a house in a
    matter of weeks, Kropar says. The role of an emergency shelter is
    stabilization— it is available for people
    without anywhere else to go to spend the night, but they have to leave in the
    morning. He says that many of the people who stay at Next Step have jobs doing
    everything from construction to hotel work to owning their own business and that
    going from an emergency shelter to a transitional shelter and finally to living
    in a house is a multi-step process.

    “Working check-out at Zippy’s isn’t going to pay for
    housing for a family of four,” Kropar says. “In Hawai‘i, people are homeless
    simply because they’ve run out of money. That’s the bottom line.”

    Nearly one third of
    adults who stay in shelters are employed, with 11 percent working part time and
    19 percent working full time, according to the 2007 Homeless Service Utilization
    Report by the Center on the Family at the University of Hawai‘i and the Hawai‘i
    Public Housing Authority. The report also found that 48 percent of adults who
    used federally funded services had a high school diploma or GED, while 30
    percent completed a college degree.

    Close to home

    Kropar’s connection to houseless people is one that
    hits close to home. He spent time living on the streets in Pittsburgh after
    finding out he was evicted from his home when his mortgage company went bankrupt
    and owed the IRS money in back taxes. He was homeless and working as a business
    owner for five years before accepting a job as a computer programmer and then
    moving to Hawai‘i.

    Kropar put together a community computer lab at the
    Next Step emergency shelter in Kaka‘ako when he realized how inaccessible
    business employers were to homeless people because of the growing trend of
    online-only applications. And in many cases homeless people lacked the basic
    Internet and e-mail knowledge to follow through on their job or home search.
    “This is like an instant screening process,” he says. “WalMart, Home Depot, the
    hotels. Their only method is online applications.”

    Apathy toward and
    ignorance about the lives of homeless people are things that contribute to the
    problem, according to Kropar. “There are problems here that can be addressed if
    people would just give a damn and do something,” he says.

    Kropar brings up the
    example of an area at Next Step called “Celia’s Corner”—a decorated children’s
    leisure area where the shelter projects movies and where volunteers from the
    University of Hawai‘i’s medical school set up each week to offer free health
    care. It was created when a 9-year-old girl, the corner’s namesake, made the
    decision to help after seeing Next Step on a television news spot. She sold arts
    and crafts at her school and raised $978 that was used for the materials to
    construct the area.

    “I’ve lost count of the number of adults who have
    complained about the homeless and not done anything,” Kropar says. “You’re part
    of the solution or you’re part of the problem. Be part of the solution.”

    This month, Kropar
    helped to organize the Walk the Talk fundraiser to raise money for a project
    that would convert busses donated by Roberts Hawai‘i into mobile shelters. “We
    want to provide a safe environment where people can get off the street or the
    beach and sleep safely.”

    While there are continuing efforts to offer
    stability and help to those already on the street, there’s a lot more that’s
    needed to prevent people from becoming houseless in the first place. “Safety is
    becoming a problem,” Kropar says. “Very few things are there that provide the
    safety net for when it’s, ‘oh shit, what do I do now?’ There’s nothing to
    prevent you from becoming homeless.”

    Hawai‘i laws are also unfairly written to target
    homeless people, Kropar says of Act 212, which makes it a petty misdemeanor for
    a person who “camps” somewhere where there is a posted notice to leave. He says
    that the system’s continual failure to address the needs of homeless people have
    left many feeling distrustful of the transitional services.

    In who do we
    trust?

    Reed, a
    decorated veteran 15 years out of service, holds a masters degree in psychology.
    He became homeless after leaving the military and divorcing his wife. He sleeps
    in the doorway of a building on Hotel Street in downtown Honolulu. He has cancer
    and had triple bypass surgery to treat his heart condition. He also had his
    suitcase stolen from him while sleeping on the street and says he’s given up
    hope in ever receiving help.

    The Homeless Service Utilization Report says that
    military veterans accounted for 15 percent of those who received federally
    funded shelter services in Hawai‘i.

    “I’m stuck out on the street,” Reed says. “I keep
    trying every available facility and everyone keeps promising help and no one’s
    getting back to me. I can’t get in anywhere, it’s just terrible.”

    Reed says he applied
    for housing services and veteran services but has never heard back from the
    organizations.

    “I
    helped homeless people all the time, and now I’m stuck out here and no one’s
    helped a damn,” Reed says. “My wife talked me into getting out of the military.
    That was my worst decision, I should have stayed in.”

    Reed says he has a
    friend who is also homeless that he can trust. They take turns at night keeping
    watch while the other sleeps. He says he used to sleep in parks until it became
    illegal to be in parks after 10pm.

    Mark is a 60-year-old homeless Vietnam veteran who
    passes through Fort Street Mall occasionally. He had all his belongings stolen
    while asleep on the street.

    “It’s really not safe at night,” Mark says. “You can
    get robbed or beat up. I try to sleep in groups with other people to stay
    safe.”

    However,
    the real problem isn’t that it isn’t safe enough living on the streets, it’s
    that he has to live on the street in the first place, he explains.

    “If someone’s eyeing
    out something you have, they’ll get it eventually,” Mark says.

    A spokesman for the
    Honolulu Police Department says that the police are unable to reference the
    number of crimes against homeless people because they do not keep track of
    people’s place of residence when responding to calls.

    “It’s hard because
    you’re very vulnerable out on the street,” says Darlene Hein, program director
    at the Waikiki Health Center. Hein says that there are increased health risks
    for homeless people who are more susceptible to infectious disease and who don’t
    have access to medication or healthy foods.

    Extraordinary people living aloha

    Because of the
    risks, there’s a sense of trust on the street that brings homeless people
    together. It’s a community like any other that’s faced with the difficult truth
    of getting through the day and watching out for each other at night.

    Kalani, who sleeps
    on Hotel Street, says that his faith in God keeps him strong and able to move
    on. He attends Bible study at Fort Street Mall every day and likes to quote
    scripture. At night he watches out for his friends, also homeless and sleeping
    on Hotel Street.

    “Everybody loves everybody,” Kalani says. “We take
    care of ourselves and watch each others’ backs.”

    Kalani says he
    became homeless when his ex-girlfriend stole his rent money. He has been saving
    money from his social security but hasn’t been able to finalize a place to live.
    He sleeps on a cardboard box.

    A woman who gave her name as “R,” also sleeps on
    Hotel Street near Kalani. She made the decision to be homeless so that she could
    watch over her homeless father. She says that the homeless community can be
    described in one word: extraordinary.

    “They don’t feel sorry for themselves,” she says.
    “It’s about living life and getting shut down. Cost of living is so high. But on
    the street there is no racism. Every individual on the street is their own
    person and they’re good people. I learned plenty.”

    Teddy, a homeless
    man of Native Hawaiian descent, who shares the portion of Hotel Street with
    Kalani and R, says that Hawai‘i’s mayors and governors have failed to address
    the needs of the homeless for 30 years.

    “Where is the justice?” Teddy says. “They knew what
    was the problem, but they never solve the damn thing. Where do we stand in the
    2000s after all this mess they created? The street you sitting on, that’s all we
    got. Now look at us today—how we survive. Now we’re just trying to find a nice
    place to rest our head.

March 21, 2008

  • Remember

     

    Remember
    the sky that you were born under,

    know
    each of the star’s stories.

    Remember
    the moon, know who she is. I met her

    in a
    bar once in Iowa City.

    Remember
    the sun’s birth at dawn, that is the

    strongest
    point of time. Remember sundown

    and
    the giving away to night.

    Remember
    your birth, how your mother struggled

    to
    give you form and breath. You are evidence of

    her
    life, and her mother’s, and hers.

    Remember
    your father. He is your life, also.

    Remember
    the earth whose skin you are:

    red
    earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth,

    brown
    earth, we are earth.

    Remember
    the plants, trees, animal life who all have their

    tribes,
    their families, their histories, too. Talk to them,

    listen
    to them. They are alive poems.

    Remember
    the wind. Remember her voice. She knows the

    origin
    of this universe. I heard her singing Kiowa war

    dance
    songs at the corner of Fourth and Central once.

    Remember
    that you are all people and that all people

    are
    you. Remember that you are this universe and that this universe is
    you.

    Remember
    that all is in motion, is growing, is you.

    Remember
    that language comes from this.

    Remember
    the dance that language is, that life is.

    Remember.

    joy harjo